Tangled Up In Blue
by christinaking
Summary: "But me, I'm still on the road headin' for another joint. We always did feel the same, we just saw it from a different point of view. Tangled up in blue." - Bob Dylan
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: This is a departure from my Labyrinthine/Serenus/Fata Morgana universe. This was actually the first story I started writing back in June before Labyrinthine came to me. I was re-reading the first couple of chapters I wrote back then and decided I really liked it and wanted to go forth and publish. There are some minor similarities between this and Labyrinthine, but it's definitely a different twist on the Emily/Derek relationship. _

_When I started writing this, I was going through a Bob Dylan phase, thus the title. If you haven't listened to "Tangled Up in Blue" before, you should (though I'll say the best cover of this song is done by the Indigo Girls, even better than Mr. Dylan himself, in my opinion). And though the weaving story of that song doesn't directly relate to this story, it metaphorically matches. _

_Enjoy! _

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

August 2014

Emily Prentiss sat up in the bed and stood to retrieve her clothes that were scattered about the bedroom. She pulled her underwear and pants on first, then sat on the edge of the bed to put on her bra. The whole time, she felt his eyes on her. She'd just gotten her blouse on and was starting on the first button when he spoke in his lilting British accent.

"It's one o'clock in the morning, and there goes Emily running off again," said Clyde Easter.

She turned to look at him, "You know this isn't about snuggling after sex. I'm more comfortable at home."

"I know, Emily. I didn't say anything about snuggling, but you could just get some sleep."

"I'll get some sleep in my own bed," she said while putting on her socks. There was silence for a few beats while she reached for her shoes.

"You should call him," said Clyde.

Emily's head snapped around to stare at him in shock. "What? Who?"

Clyde sighed and gave her a half grin while shaking his head. "I've infiltrated for the past six months and I'm ready to give my profile."

"Don't you profile me," she said firmly.

"Too late. I've been your fuck-buddy doppelganger for the past six months. You stay right there and listen. You owe me that much."

Emily's eyes flashed in anger as she surveyed Clyde, but she stayed there to listen, stunned into immobility, quite certain she didn't want to hear what he had to say.

Clyde nodded once at her, glad he had her attention, before he spoke. "Back in February, you flew off in our jet to DC to help JJ. I'm glad you did it and I'm glad she's safe. When you came home, we had dinner together and you told me the story. I asked you about how the members of the BAU were doing and you told me happy stories about every member, except one. When I asked you how Derek Morgan was doing, you told me he had a girlfriend named Savannah and seemed really happy. You practically choked on your food getting out that one sentence, though you tried to cover it. Then you started pounding your drinks. And that night, despite the fact that I'd known you for fifteen years, and had tried to get in your pants for a few of them at the beginning without success, you invited me up to your flat. And we screwed like bunnies that night. And you could barely contain your tears the entire time, though you tried to cover that up and hoped I didn't notice. How am I doing so far?"

Emily's eyes welled with tears, but she didn't say anything.

Clyde nodded again. "We've got this no-strings-attached thing going, and I've got to tell you it's been the best no-strings-attached fling I've ever had, because you seriously do not want anything emotionally from me at all, and that's good because that's all I want. But that's not a way to live, at least for you, even if you don't believe it. Twice now, when there's been a tremendous amount of alcohol involved, you've said the name "Morgan," when we've had sex. Did you know that? And as completely fucking weird I find it that you used last names in bed, or whatever you two were up to, I think that speaks volumes. You should call him."

Emily stared at him in pure anger and didn't let the tears fall. She spoke in a harsh whisper, "Derek Morgan and I haven't had anything going on since the day after I learned Doyle escaped. And even before that, it wasn't anything significant. It was just like this."

"Really? And if I told you this was over tomorrow, would you be shedding tears for me and trying to forget me by screwing someone else as a distraction to keep your heart from breaking into pieces?"

"Fuck you, Clyde," said Emily while she stood up.

"You already did, Emily," he said, somewhere bordering between care and smugness.

She flipped him off before walking towards the bedroom door. Then she paused with her hand on the door knob. "Hotch called me two weeks ago and asked me if I wanted to come back, and I did, but I couldn't. There wasn't anything going on with Derek and me for almost two years before I moved here. I'm the one who left and he's happy. I can't call him and spoil that in any way. He deserves to be happy. I need to live with that the best way I can."


	2. Chapter 2

_Emily walked beside Derek through the parking lot, their cars parked near each other at Quantico. _

_"You want to go out for a drink?" he asked. _

_"I'm so not up for a crowd tonight."  
><em>

_"Come over to my place. I can make us a drink and we can play cards or watch a movie or whatever." said Morgan. _

_Emily grinned. "You want to supply me with alcohol and get the description of that 'Sin to Win' weekend, don't you?" _

_Morgan laughed and shrugged his shoulders, "Whatever."_

_"Surrrrre. OK, drinks at your place. I'll see you there." _

* * *

><p><em>They sat in amicable silence, broken up by short conversations about work, on opposite ends of his couch, playing gin rummy and drinking scotch on the rocks.<br>_

_They were well into their second drink when Derek finally asked, "Ok, Prentiss. Spill. What's a 'Sin to Win' weekend?" _

_She laughed and shook her head at him. "I'm impressed you held out this long before asking again. I'm actually not totally certain. My hairdresser goes with some friends and she talked me into joining them. Pretty sad when even your hairdresser takes pity on you for clearly not having a social life. The weekend sounds like a bunch of debauchery, casual hook-ups and alcohol from what I can gather. I'm not entirely sorry I missed it."  
><em>

_"I don't know. Debauchery and casual hook-ups sound fun." he asked with a smile on his face. _

_"Not to me. I was going to play blackjack." she said with a totally straight face.  
><em>

_Derek laughed, and then sobered when he realized she was serious. "Oh," he said, giving her knee a friendly pat, "you're serious. Sorry for laughing."  
><em>

_Emily shrugged, "Don't worry about it. I was going for the gambling and to actually be going somewhere doing something other than work. The big descriptors for that weekend are really not my thing." _

_"What do you mean?"  
><em>

_Emily wondered if this was a wise conversation to have at all. But he was her friend. They'd recently started hanging out more, and while he shared a lot of things about himself, she was typically more reserved. S_he was a little buzzed_. She considered him for a moment more before speaking. "Because I don't do casual sex. I've tried. Believe me, with this job, there are some nights when I could think of nothing better than to use sex to forget a bad case. But it's just not enjoyable for me without trust and when you combine trust and sex, you quickly end up with a relationship. And if there's one thing I don't do even more than casual sex, it's relationships, at least not at this point in my career. I couldn't even imagine trying to balance that."  
><em>

_Morgan blinked at her slowly a couple of times. His face read disbelief. But then he winked at her and easily said, "It could work if there was someone you trusted who also wasn't interested in a relationship." _

_Emily, initially stunned, laughed a second later and raised her eyebrows at him, "I think that's quite enough scotch for you, Morgan."_

_"I'm not drunk, and I wasn't really joking," he said seriously. _

_'Oh,' thought Emily. She let out a deep breath, "That would be a supremely bad idea. First of all, if anyone found out at work, I'm not sure whether Hotch would be able to transfer one of us fast enough before he had an aneurysm. Secondly, your seriousness makes me think you've thought about this before and I'm not sure that correlates to a casual sex agreement." _

_"You haven't thought about this before?" he asked. _

_Emily clammed up, unwilling to answer. She moved her legs off the couch and pushed her feet back into her shoes. As she stood, she said, "I should go." _

_Derek stood as well and followed her to the door. "You shouldn't drive." _

_With her back to him and one hand on his front door knob, she nodded. "I'll get a cab." _

_"I'll wait with you until the cab gets here. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. It really could be casual, Emily. I'm not up for a relationship anymore than you are." _

_She didn't open the door. Instead, she turned to face him. But when she saw his face, she was at a loss for words. _

_"I have an idea," he said, "I could kiss you. Maybe it will be so weird that we'll both look at each other and laugh. Or maybe it won't. Let's see." _

_She stared at him for what felt like an eternity, but in reality was only a couple of seconds, before nodding once. _

_Both of his hands rose. One landed on her neck and the other wrapped itself around her head, winding his fingers in her hair, so his thumb still rested gently on her cheek. When his lips touched hers, there was nothing weird about it. At all. In fact, Emily felt like she might spontaneously burn up in flames or faint. She didn't know which would happen first, and was surprised when neither did. Instead she moved her hands so they were touching his waist and she opened her mouth slightly, moaning when their tongues touched for the first time. _

_A minute later, when Derek released her mouth, when they were both gasping for breath and his lips trailed a gentle path from her cheek down to her neck, she breathed out, "This is such a bad idea." _

_"It probably is," he mumbled against her skin. _

_"But we're not going to stop?" she breathlessly asked as his mouth and tongue worked their way across her collar bone. _

_"Nope," he whispered. _

_After that, his hands reached under her shirt and hers reached under his. Emily stopped thinking about what a terribly reckless idea this was and just concentrated on how he felt. And then the clothing flew off in what felt like an instant. And his lips were everywhere, and when he sank to his knees and wrapped one hand around her upper left thigh while the other took her right leg and draped it over his shoulder, when his tongue touched her, she wondered why the fuck they'd waited so long to do this. She'd never felt so free in her entire life. She'd never done this with anyone she trusted so much. She realized she was still leaning against his front door, that her right hand was on his head, but her left was clutching the door knob, using it to keep herself standing. She felt a little ridiculous at how wanton she was being. And how passive. Emily Prentiss didn't do passive. _

_She moved her leg off his shoulder and pushed his head away from her, sinking to her knees in front of him. And they kissed again and wrapped their arms around each other and she thought, 'there is nothing casual about this,' but she decided she could pretend, that they could make this casual if they were careful. _

_She saw Morgan reach for his pants and pull out his wallet, fumbling to find a condom. Though that wasn't strictly necessary, since she was certain he was careful all of the time, and she had and IUD, she thought, 'Good. Casual. A condom will keep this a bit less intimate.'_

_And then she looked down as he rolled the condom on, and she gave something of herself away. "Um. It's kind of been a long time for me, so don't go crazy at first, okay?" _

_He gave her a sweet, understanding grin and nodded. "Got it." _

_He grabbed her waist and turned them easily, laying her gently down so she was on her back on the throw rug in his living room. She caught his eyes a few times as he rained kisses over her breasts and nipples and face and she had to close her eyes from what she saw there. This wasn't casual no matter what they were pretending it was. She only hoped she wasn't giving herself away about how she felt, because if she did that, their careers, their friendship, everything...it could all be over._

_He entered her so slowly, giving her body time to adjust to him. And when he was completely in, he placed his mouth next to her ear and whispered, "OK?" _

_She nodded and he started moving, slow at first, but quickly picking up the pace. And Emily felt like she was both dying a slow death and going frantically insane at the same time. She bit her lip. She didn't want to make too much noise, didn't want him to know everything he was making her feel. His lips were on her neck and her arms were wrapped around him and it didn't take long before she felt like she was going to explode. _

_The inner war between remaining impassive and giving herself away waged on for about thirty seconds and the latter Emily won. She wrapped her legs around him. She whispered, "Harder." _

_Morgan slammed into her and less than a minute after that, they were both moaning and sighing their releases together. He collapsed on top of her and she kept her arms around him. He laughed quietly in her ear and she laughed as well. It had been amazing. And if one is being casual, laughter is an appropriate response rather than declarations of love and awe. _

_A few seconds later, he rolled off her and laid on his back next to her. They didn't touch. They laughed quietly. They talked about rules, about how they could keep doing this in a casual way. Condoms always because it felt like a barrier to closeness, a couple of times a month at most, no discussion about it otherwise, no strings attached, they could both see whomever they wanted to see if they wanted to, no sleepovers. _

_The agreement was cemented in a brief kiss and that was the end of the discussion. _

_And Emily added her own rule to the the list that she didn't share with him and he didn't seem to notice or care about: During the course of that evening, she never called him Derek, only Morgan. And that worked for her. It was a verbal barrier to real feelings. _

_They both knew they were playing with fire. They privately acknowledged that. They both thought they could handle it. _


	3. Chapter 3

October 2014

Derek Morgan slowly chewed his dinner and tried to avoid Savannah's eyes while keeping the conversation light. He picked up on Savannah's mood the second she walked in his apartment door with their take-out food; he knew the direction she wanted to take their conversation - soon she'd start talking about their future and moving their relationship forward and he was just trying to divert and distract in order to prolong getting to the inevitable.

This would be the third time such a conversation had occurred and Derek had done a pretty good job at navigating his way through the first two without hurting Savannah's feelings too much.

The first time she'd mentioned that it was starting to feel ridiculous to keep up two apartments, he'd simply said that they were both independent people and he thought having their individual spaces was still a good idea for the time being.

The second time, a couple of months later, Savannah asked him if he still thought their individual spaces were necessary and he said he thought so, that things were going well, so why potentially rock the boat? She didn't like that answer very much, but she accepted it.

And now here they were again, six weeks or so after that second conversation and he thought he knew what was coming. It wasn't that he didn't care about her or love her. He did love her, and he enjoyed their time together, but there was something missing there that he couldn't really voice. It wasn't something he ever thought they'd be able to have together and he didn't want to get into a situation where they started living together and Savannah started realizing that there was a missing piece of him he wasn't able to give her. He didn't want to get into a more permanent commitment and feel like he was faking it. At the same time, he didn't want to end things in order to only live with the void of all things lost.

He didn't have a word for the missing feeling. "In love," sounded trite. A deeper connection, maybe, something that made him want nothing more than permanence in a relationship. He'd felt it once in his past, briefly; he didn't feel it now.

Derek was fine with their status quo; he thought he could probably be relatively content living like he and Savannah had been indefinitely, but that was because the alternative wasn't available. And when he admitted that to himself, he felt like the world's most giant asshole.

Savannah cleared her throat and put her hand on his. He respected her enough to meet her eyes, even though he really didn't want to. "A friend of mine I used to work with just got promoted to Chief of Staff at Northwest Memorial Hospital in Chicago. He called me and wants me to take his vacated position. It would be a huge promotion."

Derek stared at her and didn't say anything.

She searched his eyes before continuing, "I want to take the job and I want you to come with me. You'd be closer to your family. We could have a good life. Maybe the Chicago field office is hiring. You have options."

What he should have told her was that he was in total burn out mode at the BAU, that this sounded like a dream, that he was proud of her and couldn't wait to join her in that life. But he didn't, because the burn out was true, and being proud of her was true, and a free ticket out of the BAU felt like winning the lottery at this point. But not being able to wait to join her was not true. Derek cleared his throat and said softly, "You should take the job, Savannah."

Tears welled up in her eyes. "And you're going to stay here?"

"No, not necessarily. I'll explore the options in Chicago. I'm totally willing to do that. And I'll fly out a couple of weekends a month until I'm solidly settled."

She wiped her eyes and said, "I'm not sure what to do with those sentiments. Part of me is hopeful and part of me feels like this is the end."

Derek squeezed her hand, "It's a huge change. I can't jump up and down and tell you we should move tomorrow. I can tell you that you should take the opportunity and run. And I'll try and catch up."

Savannah shook her head with tears in her eyes. "If I told you I wouldn't go and I just wanted something that felt like permanence and moving forward with you, what would you say?"

Derek was silent for awhile before speaking, "I'd tell you that I couldn't offer you what you want in a way that made you happy. But maybe away from here, I could. And if I failed, I'd rather you be in a job that was a huge promotion for you than in the job you have now, just waiting."

Anger flashed in Savannah's eyes. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Derek spoke quietly, "There's just something missing and it has nothing to do with you, it has to do with me. Maybe moving away from here would help. I can't give you a definite answer because I just don't know. But I'm willing to try."

Savannah stood quickly and slammed her hand on the table. "That sounds like complete and utter bullshit from a man scared to commit."

Derek stood, too, and put his hand over hers on the table. "I'm sorry, Savannah. It's where I'm at and I want to be honest with you. Take the job. I will try and catch up. Tomorrow I'll look at open positions in Chicago. I'll make some calls, I'll schedule interviews."

Her anger waned a bit and she started crying again.

Derek moved his body and stepped towards her to give her a hug, but she put her arms up and pushed him away. "Don't."

She walked towards the door and picked up her purse. Without turning around to look at him, she opened the door and paused.

"Don't give up, Savannah. I'm not," Derek whispered.

She turned to look at him with tears in her eyes, "I'm not giving up. I'm accepting that this may very well be the beginning of the end. That's what it feels like. I'm taking the job. You schedule some interviews and then we'll see."


	4. Chapter 4

_They followed their rules for about five months, for the most part. Some months were harder than others, depending on their caseload, and one or two times a month sometimes became three or four times a month. Derek didn't push her and he didn't instigate. He let Emily drive that car, and he became pretty good at predicting when she would show up at his door or invite him over. _

_Their friendship changed slightly. They still had their easiness about them, but they only hung out in public places. Hanging out at either of their homes was a green light for sex. And that's how he knew what she was in the mood for. "You want to grab dinner?" was a friends-only kind of night. "Come have a drink at my place," was something else. _

_They never missed a beat at work. No one noticed the subtle changes - how their eyes would linger just a little bit longer on each other, how they'd privately and quickly check in with each other during a tough case. They pretended they didn't notice the changes either. And they kept the sex casual by keeping their eyes closed. They never discussed this as a rule, but after the first time they came to the same conclusion - their eyes could tell a million stories about how they felt without having to say a word at all, and neither was ready to go there. Derek was pretty positive that the reasons why were similar; the biggest reason was their jobs. So they didn't make love, they fucked, and she always stuck with his last name when they did, and he almost always did the same. And for Derek, it was better than knocking down the walls in any house to keep the monsters away, and he convinced himself that it was enough.  
><em>

_But then the case in California with Ellie Spicer happened, and all of their carefully built barriers crumbled. _

_He was almost silent on the flight home after that case, and just as silent as he walked out of Quantico and to his car. Emily didn't say a word and just let him be quiet. She followed him out of the building to the parking garage, and he saw her headlights following him the entire drive home.  
><em>

_Emily knew that case really rocked him to his core and she gave him what he needed. That night was slow and gentle. They made love. They kept their eyes open and let each other see exactly how they felt. When the moment came, neither reached for the condoms that were right there in his nightstand. She called him Derek and he called her Emily. And after, instead of Emily reaching for her clothes a few minutes later, she laid down next to him and rested her head on his chest, one arm firmly wrapped around him. He turned on his side to wrap his arms around her and she kissed his chest and they whispered, "I love you," almost at the exact same time. And she didn't go home that night; she stayed. _

_The next morning, Emily left early to go to her apartment and change for work. Derek arrived at the BAU first and Garcia cornered him._

_She handed him a cup of coffee in a paper cup. "You'll probably need to warm that up. I went by your place last night to see if you were okay, but I saw Emily's car parked out front and figured you were talking with her and I didn't want to interrupt. But then I drove by this morning on my way in to bring you the coffee and check in, and her car was still there." She raised her eyebrows at him.  
><em>

_He told the lie easily, even though the words tasted bitter as they came out of his mouth. "I was pretty upset and she came over and we talked and drank a lot of wine. She couldn't drive home and ended up sleeping on my couch." _

_Garcia searched his face for a few seconds and he could see she wasn't entirely convinced by his simple explanation, but she let the matter drop. Derek's heart was racing. Garcia had been right outside his apartment last night, Garcia who had a key and could have just as easily decided to knock on his door instead of giving him space. They'd almost been caught and neither he or Emily were ready for the ramifications of that. _

_That evening after work, he met Emily for coffee and told her about his brief conversation with Garcia. It brought them both up short, the reality of what they were actually doing. _

_"If anyone found out, one of us would have to leave the BAU," she said. _

_"I know. And I know neither of us wants to," he quietly replied._

_Neither of them said what they were doing needed to stop, because neither of them wanted that either. But they did take a step back. They reviewed their rules and put the barriers back up, and the frequency dropped to maybe once a month, and only at Emily's apartment, where the parking garage was private and no one could come up without being buzzed in. They were living a complete lie and they both knew it, but there wasn't anything they were willing to do about it at the time. _

_By the time another five months went by, Derek could barely remember what her voice sounded like when she said she loved him. _


	5. Chapter 5

October 2014

On the morning of her birthday, Emily looked at herself in the mirror and didn't recognize herself at all.

That night back in August when Clyde had confronted her and been so blunt, she'd come home and cried. She hadn't really stopped since. She kept herself together while she was at work, she avoided Clyde like the plague, and every night she came home and cried. She didn't call Derek because it would be so unfair. The way they'd left things last February when she flew in to help find JJ had a sense of finality about it more than when she'd left for London, and what she'd told Clyde was true: Derek deserved to be happy, and she was not part of that equation.

Emily thought back to that night last February...

_JJ was safe and they were at the hospital with her while she got checked out. All signs pointed to the fact that JJ was going to be just fine, and Emily gave a big internal sigh and only then allowed herself to think about Derek. She wanted to talk to him, she wanted to check in. She wanted to tell him that her first year in London had been the exact thing she needed - she was so busy and she liked being the boss - but that the past six months had not been as good; she was fairly miserable and she thought about him every day. She wasn't sure there was anything to be done about that situation, but she hoped and she wanted him to know. _

_Derek had left the waiting area in the hospital and Emily stood to go see if she could find him. She rounded a couple of corners in the hallways and found him kissing a beautiful woman in scrubs. She almost threw up on the spot. She felt like her heart had stopped beating and then it started thumping at such a fast pace she felt like it was going to fly right out of her chest. He sensed her there, or someone there, and ended the kiss and looked at her. There was a brief flash of guilt that moved across his face, but then he got himself together. _

_It was the most awkward and heartbreaking moment of Emily's life. How he introduced her to Savannah. How Savannah had told her that she'd heard a lot about Emily. How Emily could tell that she hadn't heard everything; that Derek had never told Savannah about the two of them. Savannah had quickly departed, saying it was nice to finally meet Emily but she needed to get back to her shift at work. _

_After Savannah walked away, Derek said, "We started dating last summer." _

_'I was the one who left for London,' she reminded herself. Emily did a decent job playing her part. She put on a mask and she lied.  
><em>

_"She seems wonderful, Derek. I'm happy for you." _

_Derek smiled in relief and nodded. "It's been good for me. What about you, are you seeing anyone?" _

_Emily smiled back and nodded and fabricated something quickly, because she didn't want him to know how alone and miserable she was, because she wanted to see if he was jealous at all, because she was bitter and hurt and wanted him to feel hurt, too, which was childish and unfair, but she did it anyway. "Yes. Clyde Easter, actually. It's going pretty well." _

_Derek's smile faltered for only a fraction of a second before he recovered and said, "That's great, Emily. I'm happy for you, too." _

_Emily nodded and they walked back to the waiting area. JJ had been released and said she felt fine. They made plans to meet up and have a drink that evening to visit with Emily. And Derek and Emily pretty much avoided each other for those several hours. But when she left to head back to her plane and London, Derek walked her outside and gave her a hug. "I'm glad you're seeing Clyde. Go be happy, Emily," he whispered. _

_And she choked back a sob and held it together. "You be happy, too, Derek." _

_He nodded and she got in a cab and left. She didn't look back. And that night when she got back to London, she made part of her lie true. She got completely hammered and slept with Clyde Easter for the first time... _

Emily shook her head while looking at her reflection in the mirror. "Stop thinking about him," she commanded herself.

* * *

><p>Later that afternoon, her phone rang and it was JJ and Garcia, calling to wish her a happy birthday. Emily was happy to hear their voices and she just focused on that and tried to forget everything else for a few minutes.<p>

But then Garcia said sadly, "We're going to lose Morgan."

Emily's heart skipped a beat. "What?" she asked.

"Savannah took a position at a hospital in Chicago, and she's moving next weekend. He's going to start looking for a job there. He's got to sell two properties he owns and get things in order here, and he didn't want to leave us abruptly, but he already told us that he's planning to quit by the end of January."

"Oh," said Emily quietly, tears filling her eyes, so very thankful this was a phone call instead of Skype. "Well, if he's happy, that's what's important."

"You okay, Emily?" asked JJ.

"Fine. I'm just distracted by something going on at work right now."

* * *

><p>That night, when she heard a knock on her door, she didn't even have to look through her peephole to know who it was. Clyde. He stood in her hallway holding a bottle of wine.<p>

"A drink for the birthday girl?" he asked.

She started crying immediately and let him in her flat.

"You didn't call him, did you?" Clyde asked.

Emily shook her head and sobbed. "He's quitting the BAU and moving to Chicago because Savannah took a job there. The Derek Morgan I know isn't there for me to call anymore."

Clyde looked at her sympathetically, which for him was something of a miracle; he didn't do sympathy very well. He put the bottle of wine down and wrapped her in a hug. "There was never anything insignificant about what the two of you had, was there?"

Emily shook her head against his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Emily."

Emily sniffled and tried to stop crying, tried to just accept things so she could really move on.

"I was doing okay until you brought this all up. You're a real asshole, you know that, Clyde?" she asked.

He huffed out a laugh and pulled away from her. "I'm a complete asshole. I know that."

And when he leaned in to kiss her, she didn't stop him. Not because she wanted anything from him emotionally, but because maybe, just maybe, she could take a short break from feeling so totally miserable. She let him be her distraction again.


	6. Chapter 6

_Emily Prentiss lied to Derek Morgan exactly three times over the years she knew him. The first time was actually a series of lies, but they all related, so she counted it as one. But it was the giant one that ruined everything, any potential the two of them had._

_After she met Sean McAllister at that restaurant, after she learned the most frightening news she'd ever heard, that Doyle had disappeared from prison, she left already looking over her shoulder. She drove her car into the heart of DC, looking in her rear view mirror to see if she was being followed. When she was reasonably certain she wasn't, she parked her car and got in a cab. She took a circuitous route, switching cabs several times, just to be sure. She gave the fourth cab driver Derek's address and steadied herself, came up with a story and plan, and breathed deeply, not giving herself the energy needed for her heart to break because she didn't have time for that. _

_She was probably already dead, it was just a matter of time. She didn't want him to die, too, which meant this all needed to end before Doyle set up surveillance on her and figured things out. What she knew with absolute certainty was that Derek Morgan could never show up at her apartment again while Doyle was out there. _

_When the cab pulled up in front of his apartment building, Emily handed the driver what she owed him plus twenty dollars and said, "I'll tip you another twenty if you go park down at the corner and give me fifteen minutes. You can keep the meter running." _

_When she showed up at Derek's door, he was surprised. They'd just seen each other a couple of nights before at her apartment, the first time in several weeks. And she hadn't been at his place in over five months, since Garcia saw her car parked there. _

_"Are you okay Emily?" he asked once she was in his door. _

_"No," she said sadly. "I've been driving around and thinking and I think we have to stop this, at least for now. I just can't find a balance in my life, sneaking around with you trying to pretend that this is just casual, and trying to pretend that I don't care more than I do when we're at work. It's getting harder and harder for me to be impartial and professional when we're working cases." _

_That was completely not the truth. The fact was that even though they both knew they were pretending that what they were doing was less emotional than it actually was, she loved him more than she'd ever loved anyone in her life, it wasn't hard for her to stay impartial at work, and she was actually getting ready to tell him that she'd transfer or get a different job so they could be together. But now, that wasn't possible. _

_So, though the words she told him were a lie, the tears in her eyes were genuine. And so were his. _

_He stepped forward and hugged her, nodding his head. "I understand, Emily. I do. Maybe if we take a break and get some perspective, one of us will be ready to make a career change and then we can see where we end up. I do love you." _

_Emily inhaled deeply and said it out loud, for the first time in months, "I love you, too. Let's just give ourselves a break for a few months and then we can check in with each other again." _

_He pulled away from her and dropped a gentle kiss on her lips. "OK. I'm hopeful, you know. I think you and I are going to figure this out and we're going to end up together and we'll be happier than we ever thought possible." _

_She didn't tell him, "I'll probably be dead in a few weeks," but she thought it. _

* * *

><p><em>The next six weeks were followed by even more lies that built on that one. And though she kept telling herself the reason she wasn't telling Derek about Doyle was because she feared for Derek's life, the reality was that it was at least half shame that held her back. She just couldn't imagine telling him that she'd had a relationship with a psychopath for almost two years in order to obtain a profile. That that first time with Derek had been the first time since Doyle in 2006. That things she'd learned in order to make sex wild and free and crazy enjoyable had been things she'd learned in order to keep Ian Doyle happy in bed and happy with her. <em>

_In hindsight, she wished she was just honest from the beginning because he could have helped her, would have helped her. And he probably wouldn't have died. And she wouldn't have had to pretend she was dead for seven months in order to come back to a man that obviously still cared about her, but despised her at the same time. _

_Derek never really looked at her the same way once she returned from the dead. He didn't trust her like he used to, and she spent an agonizing several months just trying to get him to laugh with her again. But they didn't spend time together like they used to, and they certainly never crossed the line and slept together. She thought she could hang in there for the ride and maybe Derek would get there eventually, but she came to the realization that that might not ever happen. _

_He let her go when she died. He wasn't going to let her in again in order to potentially have to let go of her in the future. There was something broken that couldn't be fixed. Maybe with more time, it could. But it was excruciating for her, so she decided to take Clyde Easter up on his offer and move to London. _

_When they danced that night at JJ and Will's wedding, she felt a little bit of Derek's love there, just under the surface. _

_But when he showed up at her apartment late that night after they'd left Rossi's to try to talk her out of leaving, she told him her second lie, because she just couldn't face a countless many more months with his agony and angst that may never go away. And because she really hated herself by that point for the mess she felt she made. She told him she didn't feel the same way anymore and those feelings weren't coming back and leaving was the best thing she could do. She did love and care about him, but those feelings were never going to be like they once were and neither of them deserved to live in limbo forever. _

_The first lie was to keep him safe. The second lie was was her punishment and a gift to him, to set him free from her. The third lie, when she told him she was in a relationship with Clyde Easter, was to let Derek believe she'd let him go, too, so he could really move on with his life. _


	7. Chapter 7

_But all the while I was alone, the past was close behind  
>I seen a lot of women, but she never escaped my mind and I just grew,<br>Tangled up in blue.  
><em>

November 2014

It was Fran Morgan who gave Derek the initial wake up call he needed, who saw what he'd successfully hidden from a handful of the best profilers in the world for months. Years, really.

He was in Chicago with Savannah over Thanksgiving, and they spent a good majority of that long weekend at his mom's house with his sisters. But on Sunday, Savannah had to put in a swing shift at the hospital to cover for someone else on vacation, and he was alone with his mom.

"So you're really moving home?" she asked him.

"Looks like it. I have an interview at the Chicago field office tomorrow morning before I fly back. They have an agent retiring in March. I'm sure I'll get the job and it would start in February," he responded dryly, though he was trying to put some enthusiasm behind his words. Again, he was torn. He was burned out at the BAU and welcomed that change, but he knew he was settling for what felt like second best. And he knew that wasn't fair to Savannah, but he was willing to fake it. Emily had moved on with her life by this point, and he needed to do the same.

"Here's the problem I have with that, Derek: You don't seem really happy about the prospect at all. I'd love to have you home, but I don't want you here for the wrong reasons. Savannah's lovely and I like her and I know you care about her, but you don't love her enough to be making this move for her," said Fran while keeping a careful eye on her son.

Derek's eyes welled with tears and it pissed him off that his mom could read him this well, and pissed him off that he was this emotionally vulnerable, and the more pissed off he got, the more the tears came.

Fran came and sat next to him and put her arms around him, and Derek leaned into her and he cried for what really boiled down to the grief felt over almost four years of loss for the first time.

"What is going on with you?" Fran whispered after several minutes of his tears.

But he just shook his head and cried. He couldn't find the words or energy to explain what a crazy mess he was or why.

After several more minutes, Fran said, "OK, Derek. Whomever or whatever it is you're crying about, it's worth taking the time to figure it out before you make a monumental mistake."

"And what if figuring it out could potentially ruin her happiness?" he managed to gasp out.

"You can't shoulder the responsibility of Savannah's happiness at your own expense, my son."

* * *

><p>After his conversation with his mom, he didn't really feel like he had a solid direction that felt good for the other parts of his life, but he felt like he had a solid direction to go with Savannah, which was nowhere.<p>

He was asleep when she came back to her apartment from the hospital, but he heard her come in. He continued to act like he was sleeping, and she fell into the bed exhausted herself.

The next morning she pushed on his shoulder around 8:00 and asked, "Don't you need to get ready for an interview?"

And Derek sat up in the bed and looked at her beautiful, sleepy face and steadied his heart and nerves, getting ready to say goodbye.

"I left a message last night and cancelled that interview, Savannah," he said quietly.

She became instantly wide awake and her eyes welled with tears. "Why?"

"Because this isn't the right move for either of us. You wouldn't be pleased for long with me here because there would still be a piece of me missing that you'd start to feel. And I'd feel like I was faking that piece in order to make you happy."

She didn't yell or scream. A part of her knew this was coming long before he said it out loud. She shook her head. She quietly told him to get out.

And Derek was sad and scared, but relieved. It was the right decision. He quickly put on his clothes and grabbed his bag. He didn't linger too long. He paused in the bedroom doorway and looked back at her. "I'm sorry. I really do care about you and I hope you find happiness, but I'm not the one who's going to make you happy."

She looked at him for a second before she turned her head into the pillow and let him go.

* * *

><p>He actually allowed himself a small smile for a moment before he walked out her front door. He felt like a giant weight he hadn't fully acknowledged he was carrying was lifted from his shoulders. But once he was out front, once he'd hailed a cab to take him to the airport, he started feeling lost.<p>

He'd given up Savannah which was a relief, but that didn't mean he had anything else. And he wasn't prepared to tell everyone at the BAU yet because they'd look at him like he was absolutely crazy. He'd hidden everything from them and they thought he was happier than he'd ever been.

He acknowledged he needed some advice. He ran through the potential candidates for that advice. He settled on a face and nodded to himself in that cab.

"Tomorrow," he thought. "I'm going to start figuring this out tomorrow."


	8. Chapter 8

_"Now I'm headin' back again,  
>I got to get to her somehow.<br>And all the people that I used to know,  
>They're an illusion to me now."<br>_

December 2014

Derek landed in DC with back-to-back cases right away, and part of him was grateful. His initial confidence regarding talking about this waned when he first saw the team. He was still trying to figure out what he needed to say and he couldn't quite get the words formulated. This was several years of heavily concealed feelings he was trying to bust out and share with someone whom he and Emily had both lied to by omission, and it was difficult.

And he was scared. If he was totally honest, he was scared that she would tell him he shouldn't contact Emily, and he should just let her go and move on.

Everyone was so careful with him; they were sad - they knew he'd be leaving the BAU soon, and he didn't tell them about the cancelled interview or Savannah right away. Since none of this required official paperwork yet, Garcia didn't know. They asked him how his Thanksgiving was and he said they'd had a nice time with his mom and sisters, which was true. Then he asked them about theirs. No one picked up on anything off, except for one person. And seeing as that was the person he intended to get some advice from, he didn't mind.

They were on the second of the back-to-back cases in San Francisco, on their way to look at a crime scene, and JJ turned to him in the passenger seat of the car. "What the fuck is up with you, Morgan?"

And he was stunned for a second. He was planning to wait until they got back to Quantico, but JJ had beat him to the punch. He didn't want to talk to the person he was closest with, which was Garcia; he wanted to talk to the person Emily was closest with, which was the person sitting next to him in the car.

He threw caution to the wind, because what was Hotch going to do? Fire him? Derek forgot the case for a minute. He pulled the car over on the side of the road and put it in park. He looked at JJ and stumbled a bit over his words. He settled on, "I ended things with Savannah."

JJ didn't comment on him stopping the car or even look bewildered. "I thought as much, but why? You seemed so happy."

Derek turned in the driver's seat to face JJ. "Because our relationship was missing something and I couldn't keep pretending to be happy without that missing piece," he said.

JJ considered him for a brief moment and said, "I'm confused. You were willing to quit the BAU for her. What was it missing?"

"Quitting the BAU and my relationship with Savannah are two separate issues that came to a head at the same time. I'm still burned out and need to leave. What was missing was the desire for forever. I didn't feel that with Savannah. I felt it before, though, so I know it's something that is possible and I want," he said, still not quite able to make himself get to the crux of the issue.

JJ shook her head at him and played her pawn. "Derek Morgan, I have known you for almost fifteen years. When the hell is it exactly that you felt this?"

_Check mate,_ he thought. And he spilled. "A little over four years ago. With Emily."

She blinked at him slowly, twice. "Prentiss?" she asked for verification.

He nodded.

And JJ laughed. "How the hell did you two pull that off right under our noses?"

Derek let out a relieved breath and felt good about his decision to talk to JJ. He knew she'd care the least about about the secretive part of this, that she'd understand the most. He laughed a little as well, thinking of the crazy absurdity of it all. But then he sobered because it wasn't funny, because Emily wasn't there with him.

"You probably would have figured it out if you were there, but it was right about the time that you were transferred out that you might have picked up on it. We had silly rules to keep it less personal. We were ridiculous and we pretended that it meant less than it did. But there was a time when we let our walls down and that's when I felt it. And I want it back, and I don't know how to do that or if I should, because the whole Doyle thing made such a mess of it all, but mostly because she's in a relationship with Clyde Easter now and it seems really unfair of me to say anything," Derek rushed out.

JJ gave him the lifeline he needed.

She reached her hand out and put it on Derek's shoulder, "I chat with Emily with some frequency, Derek, and she has never once mentioned Clyde Easter to me. So I don't know what's going on there, but I think she'd tell me if she was in a relationship with him."

And it was Derek's turn to blink slowly at JJ. "But she told me she was seeing him," he said quietly.

"When?" asked JJ.

And reality dawned on Derek. And he started crying, figuring it all out. "When she flew out to help find you and she caught me kissing Savannah at the hospital after you were brought there."

JJ's eyes welled with tears as well. She didn't know exactly the depth of all of this, but she could see him struggling so much, and she figured if Emily had made up a story like this about a relationship to combat some sort of sadness, they both must have been going through hell for quite awhile now.

JJ let out a deep breath and patted his shoulder again. "We need to get to that crime scene before Hotch starts wondering why we haven't checked in. And you need to contact Emily. I don't care how you do it, and maybe I'm wrong about Easter, but I don't think I am. You're going to have to reach out first, though, Derek. She's not going to do it. Penelope and I talked to her on her birthday and she thinks you've got both feet out the door on your way to Chicago to be with Savannah."


	9. Chapter 9

_"And every one of them words rang true  
>And glowed like burning coal<br>Pouring off of every page  
>Like it was written in my soul from me to you<br>Tangled up in blue"  
><em>

December 2014

In the end, he sent an email. He sent it the moment he got back to the hotel in San Francisco, when he went to pack up his things before going back to the police station to wrap up the loose ends. He'd thought about just telling Hotch to fuck it and he was getting on a plane to London, but he was worried that Emily was so deep into her relationship with Clyde Easter that she didn't even tell JJ because he was pretty certain Interpol rules were no different than FBI rules when it came to fraternization. He was scared to face that possibility in person.

He didn't call her. He thought about it, but it was really late in London, the middle of the night. And he couldn't stomach the idea of her potential rejection over the phone.

He sat on the edge of his hotel bed with his laptop and quickly wrote what he needed to say. He didn't review his words and he didn't give it a moment of hesitation. He typed and he hit send. When he emerged from the hotel room and made his way to the lobby, he leaned his head towards JJ and whispered, "I emailed her."

And she gave him another lifeline. She whispered back, "I was thinking about it, and I'm pretty sure when we told her about you moving to Chicago, she started crying on the phone, though she tried to cover it up."

Derek inhaled deeply and gave JJ a small half-smile that was full of hope. Maybe Emily was still thinking about him.

The waiting game started and Derek clutched his phone in his hand, longing for the tell-tale vibration that would let him know he had a new email.

* * *

><p>It was three o'clock in the morning and Emily was still at work. She had the building to herself and was trying to plow through some paperwork. It had become a common thing since her birthday for her to either pull an all-nighter at work or go to Clyde's, but Clyde was in France at the moment.<p>

She'd seen less of her own bed in the past seven weeks. For whatever reason, being home started to feel foreign to her. It made her sad. Derek had been in her flat once, and even though he was very closed off to her that July when he and Penlope visited London, Emily had started seeing the ghost of him around every corner in her home.

Emily either worked until her eyes couldn't stay open anymore and fell asleep on the couch in her office, or she stayed at Clyde's. He didn't mention that change, how she'd stopped running off after, nor did he touch her. That was fine with Emily. She was only there because a breathing person laying next to her in bed reminded her that she was still alive.

The laptop in front of her dinged, a signal that she had a new email message, and she glanced up at the screen. It was seeing his name in her inbox that made her start crying; it was the subject line that made her heart start racing. _"Not Going to Chicago." _

With trembling fingers she clicked on the message and started reading.

_Emily, _

_I ended things with Savannah. I tried for over a year to find an emotion there that I was looking for, and I just couldn't find it. I only felt it once before, with you, that night in my apartment, the night you stayed when we told each other we loved each other. I was stupid to ever think I'd feel it again with anyone besides you. It's the feeling of wanting more, wanting permanence and not being scared by that idea. The feeling of being willing to move mountains just to be together. _

_I don't know what's going on with you and Clyde, and I hope I'm not making things difficult for you by writing this, but I just need to know if you feel the same way. I know you once did, I saw that in your eyes, but do you still at all?_

_Please write me back. Or call. We're wrapping up a case in San Francisco and heading home in a few hours. I'll be home a little after noon your time if you want to call._

_I miss you. I love you. I never stopped loving you. _

_- Derek_

Emily had a river of tears falling down her face, but she smiled and laughed and shook her head in disbelief and read it again. Then she wiped her face, took a deep breath and reached for her phone, scrolling through her contacts for the number she was looking for.

* * *

><p>The team was exhausted after their two cases and almost everyone fell instantly asleep after the jet took off from San Francisco. Everyone except Derek and JJ. They sat across from each other and she watched him for a little while, sitting there with his headphones on, eyes closed, clutching his phone in his hand while he leaned his head against the window with a pained expression on his face.<p>

She looked around at the sleeping members of the team and reached forward to touch the hand clutching his phone. He opened his eyes and removed the headphones.

"It's only six o'clock in the morning there. She's probably still sleeping," JJ whispered.

Derek nodded at her and put his headphones back on, resuming his position and the pained expression.

JJ sighed and closed her eyes, drifting off to sleep herself.

When the plane started its decent over Virginia, she opened her eyes to the early morning light coming through the window. The other members of the team started moving in their seats, but Derek still sat there, in the same position. His eyes were closed, but JJ could tell he hadn't slept and she had enough.

As the plane was touching down at Turner, she picked up her phone and scrolled for Emily's number to send her a text.

_Emily, Derek talked to me. He sent you an email. Did you get it? He's really suffering right now, so even if you don't feel the same way about him, at least write him back and let him off the hook. OK, my friend?_

And when they were pulling up at their airplane hangar, JJ got a response back from Emily.

_I wasn't about to do this via email. It's good to see you, by the way. _

JJ was confused for a single second, and then she turned her head to look out the window and saw Emily standing there, leaning against one of their bureau vehicles. She was bundled in a coat and the early morning sun was glinting off her hair.

JJ barked out a stunned, joyful laugh, which caused everyone to look at her, including Derek.

And JJ reached across the table between them and placed her hand on his chin, turning his head towards the window so he could see who was standing just a few yards away from him.


	10. Chapter 10

_Me, I'm standing on the side of the road,  
>Rain falling onto my shoes,<br>I'm heading out to the east coast  
>Lord knows I've paid some dues, getting through<br>Tangled up in blue._

December 2014

_Emily was impulsive and reckless and she didn't care. She had about nine hours to get there before he did and she was going to make it. She held her phone next to her ear and listened to it ring while she grabbed her ready bag and coat from the corner of her office and headed out the door._

_"Prentiss?" said the groggy voice of the main Interpol pilot when he answered his phone._

_"Garrett, I need you to get up and get to one of our jets and make a flight plan to Turner Field. Call a copilot, whomever can get there fastest."_

_"Now?"_

_"Yes, now. I want to be in the air within the hour."_

_"I'm up. I'm on it. Must be a serious case."_

_"It is. I'll meet you at the jet."_

_Emily drove as quickly as she could down the virtually empty, dark roads. It was raining and foggy, but not enough to keep the plane on the ground. She arrived at the jet the same time Garrett did. The co-pilot, James, arrived soon after._

_"Is everyone at the BAU alright?" asked Garret. The last time he'd flown her to Quantico, she was on her way to help JJ._

_"Yes. But I'd rather not discuss this. Just, please, get us in the air."_

_He nodded. "You're the boss."_

_'Thank goodness for that,' she thought._

_She waited until they were well on their way before she called Clyde and told him she'd essentially just hijacked the jet._

_"He emailed me. He broke up with Savannah. I'm on one of our jets and on my way there. You can bill me for the fuel."_

_And Clyde, still half asleep, laughed and let her go in an instant. "You've got some balls, I'll give you that. I suppose I owe you that flight for being such an asshole back in August. I'm happy for you, Emily. I'll take care of the London office for now. Take the time you need and keep me posted."_

_"Thank you," she said quietly, "Not just for this, but for everything."_

_He was quiet for a few seconds. "I'll miss it, but I'd rather see you happy. Are you going to stay there or are you coming back?"_

_"I don't know," she said uncertainly.  
><em>

_"Like I said, keep me posted. Have a safe flight, Emily."_

_She fidgeted and twitched and alternated between nervousness and excitement for the first couple of hours of the flight. She cried and laughed quietly to herself. She was in shock. She really couldn't believe this might actually happen. _

_When enough time had passed that Derek should be well in the air, she called Garrett on the speaker and asked, "Can you find the BAU jet and put it on the screen out here?" _

_"Okay?" he said questioningly. It was a strange request. "Give us a moment." _

_A minute later, the screen in front of her flashed and she could see the red dot with the BAU's call number making its way over the California border and crossing into Nevada. She smiled. She watched that dot for the rest of the flight and tried to calm her nerves. _

_They touched down at Turner Field about ten minutes before the team did. It was a clear, bright morning. It was just going on noon in London and Emily switched her watch to Eastern Standard Time. 6:55am. She was bleary-eyed from not sleeping at all, but way too excited and nervous to be tired. She splashed water on her face and brushed her hair. _

_She told Garrett and James to get some sleep and to head on back to London when they'd had enough rest. She'd fly commercial home. And though they both looked at her perplexed, they didn't say anything. She ran the London office, and that included an indirect supervision of them; they weren't going to question her._

_She put on her coat and grabbed her bag and made her way down the plane's steps, breathing in the cold, crisp morning air. She quickly walked a few hangars over. She put her bag down and leaned against one of the bureau vehicles and watched the BAU jet come in for its landing. _

_She blinked back tears and smiled. _

_She watched the wheels touch down and the plane make its way towards her and she took deep breaths and tried to control her racing heart._

_The phone in her pocket buzzed and she took it out and read the text from JJ. _

_She could hear the engine of the plane as it pulled to a stop in front of her. She looked up and she saw Derek's and JJ's profiles through the window. Her heart sped up. She quickly sent JJ a text back and laughed when JJ turned her head with a stunned expression on her face, seeing her standing there. Then she saw JJ laugh in return. _

_Emily saw JJ lean forward in her seat and then she saw Derek's face look out the window towards her, stunned and unbelieving. But then he smiled and jumped out of his seat. _

_And Emily realized she felt genuinely happy for the first time since learning Doyle had escaped from prison so many years ago. _

_In that moment she knew this was going to work. She didn't know the logistics, but as the stairs on the BAU jet opened and she saw him emerge from the plane, she knew without a doubt that they were both going to mend their broken hearts together and end up someplace good. _


	11. Chapter 11

_"__She was standing there in back of my chair  
>Said to me "Don't I know your name?"<br>I muttered something underneath my breath  
>She studied the lines on my face<br>I must admit I felt a little uneasy  
>When she bent down to tie the laces of my shoe<br>Tangled up in blue."_

* * *

><p>Derek dropped his phone, jumped up on his seat in the plane and swiped his headphones off his head as he climbed over a confused Reid to get to the aisle.<p>

He heard Rossi ask, "Is that Emily?"

Hotch replied bewilderingly, "Yes. What's she doing here?"

And the last thing he heard as he set his foot on the plane steps was JJ saying, "Just stay here and give them a few minutes."

Derek ran down the steps and right to Emily, stopping in front of her. His heart was thudding in hope, and shock and nervousness. He inhaled deeply and smiled at her.

She smiled back as a single tear made its way down her cheek. Though he was hopeful because she'd gotten here, years of uncertainty and sadness had left him doubtful; he didn't know for certain what her being here meant, or how she felt, or what they were going to do next.

But she was beautiful and she was right there in front of him.

He reached his hand out and brushed the tear gently from her cheek, leaving his hand there. "How did you beat us here?" Derek asked in wonder.

She placed her hand over his where it rested on her cheek. "I barely did." She inclined her head to the left and said,"I landed about ten minutes before you." Derek looked over and saw the Interpol jet down the way. He turned back to face her and she laughed quietly and continued, "My pilots weren't thrilled with the 3:00am wake-up call, but sometimes it pays to be the boss with access to a jet that has landing privileges at Turner."

Derek laughed and stepped forward. She met him half way and they wrapped their arms around each other.

"How long are you here?" he quietly asked in her ear.

"As long as it takes for us to figure things out."

He pulled his head back to look at her. "Really?" he asked, his voice full of hope. "What about work?"

She looked at his face and smiled with her eyebrows raised, "Derek, I just commandeered an Interpol jet for entirely personal reasons. My job is clearly not my priority right now. But it will be fine. I have the green light to take all the time I need."

That was perplexing, because there was only one person who could give her that green light and it was Easter, but Derek didn't feel like getting into that right now.

He leaned his forehead against hers, feeling her warm breath around him in the cold morning air; he felt like the warmth was igniting a fire in the part of his heart that had been closed off for so many years.

"Derek," she whispered, "I still share the same feelings as you, and I never stopped loving you either. I didn't want to say that in an email or over the phone. I was the one who left, lying about how I really felt. I needed to come back and tell you the truth in person."

He pulled his head slightly away from hers and took one hand off her back and brought it to the side of her face again, resting it there. "I love you," he whispered before his lips touched hers. And it was like no time had passed at all, like the past few years had just been some crazy, strange dream that he only wanted to forget because what was truly important was right there, pressed tightly against him, passionately kissing him back.

But they were at Turner Field and he knew they had an audience behind them, likely watching this all go down through the jet's windows. He pulled his lips away from hers and wrapped her in a hug again, trying to gain control of his breathing.

He heard Emily laugh quietly. "In my impulsive move to just get here, I didn't consider this part."

"What part?" he asked.

"The part where the team is staring at us from the plane, wondering how the hell they had no clue about us."

They both started laughing and pulled away from each other, linking their hands.

They saw the team coming down the steps of the jet a moment later, smiles on their faces. JJ reached them first and Emily released Derek's hands so she could hug her friend.

"I'm just saying," JJ said with a smirk, "If you two think you're going to one-up me with slightly awkward and totally amazing revelations, you're wrong. My pregnancy announcement still wins."

Everyone laughed and anything that could be awkward about the situation was quickly diffused. Hotch still looked very surprised, but he hugged Emily and it was a hug full of friendship and care. Rossi was his usual, unflappable self, just glad to see her. Reid was particularly happy to see Emily; Derek knew he truly missed her on a regular basis. Kate Callahan smiled and shook her hand and introduced herself.

After they greeted Emily, they gave him caring glances, and Derek realized that maybe he hadn't hidden the fact that he wasn't totally content with his relationship with Savannah as well as he thought he did; they were looking at him like they were seeing someone who'd been missing for awhile.

They split off into the two bureau vehicles, Derek and Emily sliding into the backseat of the one Hotch was driving. JJ sat in the passenger seat. Derek reached his hand out and linked his fingers with Emily's.

"When?" Hotch asked in a friendly, curious voice, still surprised that this had escaped him.

Derek glanced at Emily who shrugged her shoulders in return. What did it matter if they all knew at this point? It was so long ago and they didn't work together anymore.

"Before Doyle, for about a year," said Derek.

Hotch only chuckled. "I'm impressed. We had JJ and Will pegged for months and he wasn't even around at that time."

"Hey!" said JJ, laughing too.

Derek caught Emily's eyes and he could tell they were both thinking similar thoughts in that moment: Maybe she needed these people back in her life, and maybe he wasn't totally ready to let them go.

Hotch and JJ didn't ask what the plan was for their careers or what happened next. They both knew that was something that was going to require quite a bit of discussion.

As they got out of the cars to head up to the BAU office, Derek braced himself for what was coming: Telling Garcia. She was the one he'd blatantly lied to, and the one who would actually be very hurt that he hadn't confided any of this in her.

JJ, reading his thoughts, smiled and said, "I called her when we were waiting on the plane and gave her a brief synopsis, just so she didn't faint when you both walked in the office. I don't think she's ever going to get over missing that little show you two put on."

Derek huffed out a relieved laugh and they stepped into the elevator.

Garcia was waiting for them right outside the elevators when they reached the BAU floor, and she rushed forward to give Emily a giant hug. "I'm so glad you're here!" she exclaimed.

Then she stepped back and placed a hand on Derek's shoulder, and though he could tell that she wanted to say that it upset her that he hadn't confided in her, not just then, but four years ago as well, she didn't. She searched his face and smiled and said, "There's the Derek Morgan I know. It's good to see you again."

* * *

><p>Hotch told Derek to take some time, and they left the BAU around eight that morning. But when they got into his car, he didn't turn the key in the ignition. He reached to hold Emily's hand.<p>

"I don't want to go back to my apartment," he said.

Emily turned her head and raised one eyebrow at him, reading him so well like she always could. "Still a lot of Savannah around your place?" she asked in a neutral voice.

Derek nodded nervously "Some of her things are still there. I need to pack them up and send them to her, but I've hardly been home these past ten days. That was when I ended things with her, the Monday after Thanksgiving, but it was really over a few months ago. Actually, it was probably over before it really started in a lot of ways, but I didn't know it until she started asking for more of a commitment."

Emily turned in her seat to face him. She squeezed his hand in understanding. "It's completely understandable that there would be some of her things still there, Derek. I'm okay going to your apartment."

He shook his head. "I'm not. That's just not where I want to start a new beginning with you."

Emily smiled at that and her eyes filled with tears again. "So where are we going?"

"Your call. We could go to a hotel, or there's a townhouse I own in DC. When Savannah moved, I started staying there, trying to finish up the work. It's supposed to go on the market next week." He grinned at her, "It's not Dupont Circle, and it's not furnished, but there's a bed and food in the fridge.

"It sounds perfect," said Emily.

He squeezed her hand and then really looked at her face. He turned to reach his other hand forward and gently brushed a thumb under her eye. "How long has it been since you really slept?"

And she sighed, "A long time."

"Well traffic is going to be brutal getting into DC this time of day, so just close your eyes and sleep for awhile, Emily."

And though he could tell that she didn't want to stop looking at his face, and she never let go of his hand, her eyes finally closed about twenty minutes into the drive.

When Derek pulled up in front of the townhouse about an hour later, he reached his left arm across his body and gently ran a finger down the side of her cheek, and she blinked open her eyes and saw his face.

He smiled at her and softly said, "We're here."

And her eyes welled with tears.

"What?" he asked worriedly.

And she gave him a half smile and said, "It's just been a very long time since I opened my eyes and yours was the first face I saw. It makes me feel alive again."


	12. Chapter 12

_"And I heard her say over my shoulder,  
>We would meet again someday<br>On the avenue  
>Tangled up in Blue."<br>_

* * *

><p>For almost a year, Emily had constructed a hard shell around herself. Though she spent endless hours crying during that time, it was mostly done in private. On the outside, to everyone she supervised, to everyone she met with with, to every case she consulted on, she was a hard, robotic, closed-off version of herself that she didn't recognize and didn't like at all.<p>

And so that first time again with Derek, on that crisp morning on a bed in the middle of an otherwise empty brownstone in DC, as the sun through the windows painted portraits across their bodies, she didn't feel like Derek was putting her back together again. Instead, she felt like every soft touch, every moan, every sigh, every declaration of love was a gentle chisel that was cracking and pulling pieces of that shell off of her and tossing it away forever.

Emily found her hands gravitating towards his, gently resting hers atop his, wherever he touched her. At one point he looked at her curiously and she said, "Yours are the only hands that ever felt like they belonged on my body; I'm just reminding myself that this is real."

After, when he curled up behind her and wrapped his arms around her and they both cried in relief and happiness that they were finally back together, her last thought before she drifted off to sleep was, "I know myself again."

Neither of them had really slept much or well in a long time, so the next two days were a rhythmic rotation of sleep, food and making love with their eyes wide open, interspersed with the conversations they needed to have.

He asked her about that night when she found out Doyle had escaped and showed up at his apartment. He'd figured out why she'd lied to him that night and why she continued to lie, that it was to keep him safe.

"Why didn't you reach out to me when you were in Paris?" he asked. "I wouldn't have told anyone. I could barely function during that time, thinking you were dead."

"Because I was a coward, and I was ashamed," she told him.

He asked her about that night after JJ's wedding, when she told him her feelings would never be the same anymore.

"Derek, I couldn't live anymore waiting for yours to be the same again. I thought I had ruined things forever and I hated myself for what I did. I ran away from that, and I lied in order to be able to do so. I'm sorry."

He asked her about that night in the hospital when she met Savannah and she told him about a relationship with Clyde Easter. And she told him the truth, that she had been hurt and then once the lie was out of her mouth, she just wanted him to be able to be happy, so she wanted him to believe she'd let him go. She told him about her and Clyde and what that actually looked like. She told him about the past August, when Clyde had called her out. And Derek understood then how Easter had let her go to come here and figure things out.

And when all of that was done, all of the lies unveiled, he looked at her and said, "I love you with all of my heart." And every weight she'd ever felt on her shoulders lifted from her instantly and she felt like she could take flight, happiness and love her fuel.

It was when they got to the "What next?" conversations that they didn't have solid answers. He told her how burned out he was with the BAU, and that he needed a change.

"Could we go to London?" he asked her.

"Yes," she told him. "I actually think I could love my job with you there with me, and it really wouldn't be awkward. Clyde is a good friend, but he's also egocentric and arrogant. He's probably moved on to someone else already or at least has someone in mind; that's just who he is. He cares about me, but he cares about my happiness more. It's a confusing and strange dynamic, but aside from a couple official meetings a month, I'd have to seek him out to see him most of the time, and in the absence of that he'd have little impact on our lives."

"What would I do there?" he asked.

"There are plenty of options," she told him.

And they spent a couple of hours on her laptop looking at some possibilities in London and his optimism grew at the possibilities.

That Saturday night, they met the team for drinks. It was a great evening with a lot of laughter and Emily felt like she was able to reconnect with them, unlike the last time they did this the past February and she was just trying to get through the evening without bursting into tears. It was both strange and wonderful to be out with Derek in public, where they could touch each other and not have to hide anything.

On Sunday morning, when Derek ventured out to get them coffee and some breakfast, Emily finally checked her emails, just to make sure her world at Interpol wasn't exploding. It wasn't.

She found an email from JJ with the subject line, "Just a thought."

Emily opened the message and scrolled through the long contents, reading every word with a small smile on her face at how JJ had structured it. She shook her head and laughed when she got to the end.

When Derek returned with her coffee and breakfast, she handed him her laptop and said, "These are some options, too."

JJ had opened that email with the starting line: "His and Hers, like bathroom towels."

And then she listed several job openings in the DC/Virginia area that would be good for Derek, and several that would be good for Emily.

And she closed the email by saying, "If we had a choice in the matter, we'd rather have you two knocking boots in our own backyards."

Derek laughed when he read that line and Emily found his laughter contagious and joined him.

When they calmed down, Derek said, "A big part of me wants to go to London for a true, fresh start away from everything. But the other part of me doesn't want to leave them. What do you want to do?"

And Emily responded with a smile, "It's entirely up to you. I love you and we'll find our happiness wherever we are. I made the last move. This one is up to you, Derek."


	13. Chapter 13

_Me, I'm still on the road,  
>Headed for another joint.<br>We always did feel the same,  
>We just saw it from a different point of view.<br>Tangled up in Blue.  
><em>

* * *

><p>Emily spent the next two weeks alternating between nights at the townhouse in DC with Derek and most days at his apartment in Virginia, packing his things for him while he worked. When she found something that obviously belonged to Savannah, she packed it gently and placed it in a box. She had a lot of empathy for Savannah, who truly loved Derek; it wasn't Savannah's fault that she'd gotten mixed up in the cross-hairs of their lives. Emily took a lot of care with that box.<p>

Derek came back from work one night to pick Emily up from the apartment, and he placed a letter in the box. He looked at Emily, "I'm not sure a deeper explanation will help her or hurt her more, but I want her to have it. Do you want to read it?"

Emily shook her head. He could let go of that life however he felt it was best, she didn't need to know.

He had two cases during those weeks that took him out of town, and Emily spent much of that time at the BAU, helping Garcia with her end of the case, and trying to give her answers and explanations she needed in order get over the hurt Derek's lying and concealing caused her. And by the end of that time, Emily felt like Garcia understood. Penelope Garcia loved them both and just wanted them to be happy.

On December 22nd, Derek put in his last day at the BAU. Emily was there for much of it, and though there were some tears, there was a lot of happiness directed towards both of them for what the future held.

The next morning, they boarded a flight to London and spent a quiet, happy Christmas together at her flat. The pure joy they felt at being near each other again had not dissipated; they often found themselves looking at each other and smiling and laughing just because it was so amazing and unbelievable that they were finally going forward with their lives together.

On December 26th, Emily returned to Interpol and turned in her official resignation.

On the professional side, Clyde was sorry to see her go. She'd done good work there and she would be difficult to replace. But when it came time for Emily to actually leave the building and he hugged her goodbye, she saw something else in his eyes and she realized that maybe she'd underestimated Clyde Easter's capacity for feeling. Staying in London may have not been as easy as she thought it would be, and she was thankful for the decisions she and Derek had made.

They spent the next few days packing up her flat together, shipping the boxes of things she wanted to keep. Emily offered the building manager the profits of anything remaining that he sold from her place. She and Derek were able to walk away from that flat after only a few days and they boarded a plane back to Dulles on the morning of December 31st.

They rang in the New Year at the townhouse in DC, amidst a jumble of boxes and Derek's furniture from his apartment. Emily's boxes would arrive within the next week and they'd unpack and organize their things together in that sunny space they were going to call home.

* * *

><p><em>When Derek looked through that email from JJ a second time, there was one job that jumped out at him the most: Head of Tactical Training for the FBI Academy. It would be a job with pretty set hours, little travel, and he'd feel good about helping train new agents and making sure they were properly prepared for life in the FBI. And he was a shoe-in for the position. <em>

_When he told Hotch he was interested, the initial interview was set up quickly. Derek knew most of the people who interviewed him, having provided training for them on the side frequently. Though there was official paperwork that needed to be done, he walked away from the interview 100% confident he had the job. _

_Emily's job was a little harder. They'd briefly joked about her taking his vacated position at the BAU, and though she happily entertained the idea for a moment, they'd come to the conclusion during their discussions earlier that what they really wanted was a mellower life and an opportunity to just be together without all of the travel and wildly unpredictable schedules. That was what initially eliminated Interpol from the equation, and without that, London wasn't even in the cards anymore; in the end, they both decided they wanted to stay close to their BAU family. _

_They talked about it with Hotch, and they talked about it with the Section Chief, just to get a feel for the situation. Neither thought it would be a huge problem for Emily to be at the FBI while Derek was at the Academy; fraternization rules didn't really stretch that far. Still, Emily wanted to be sure because she just didn't want the stress of that becoming an issue. So she called the Section Chief who monitored the department she was considering and explained who she was, her relationship with Derek Morgan, and the position she was intrigued by. And he knew exactly who she was, and her skills, and what she'd been doing since leaving the FBI. He had no clue she would consider leaving Interpol for a position like this; her name had come up when the new position at the FBI opened. Her relationship with Derek wouldn't be a problem, he assured her.  
><em>

_Though she was now qualified for either of the Unit Chief positions currently open at the FBI, Emily interviewed for the position that supervised all of the contract and regular linguists the FBI hired in order to monitor different chatter and step in on cases that required a translator. It was in many ways a huge demotion, but she was actually looking forward to it - using her language skills, being back at Quantico, a far mellower job, and that FBI badge in her hand again. That badge just felt right to her, and on the morning of December 22nd, before she met up with Derek at the BAU, she picked it up with a smile on her face. _

_Before they left the BAU on Derek's last day, Hotch said to them, "You know, since you're still technically an agent, Derek, and since Emily is again, too, I could pull you in when we need to on occasion." _

_They both looked at him and smiled, and though Derek said that it might be awhile before he was ready for that, Emily told him, "I'm in on occasion, should the case warrant it." _

* * *

><p>It was the middle of January, a Sunday, and the day before they would both officially start their new jobs. Everything was unpacked and it felt like their home. Emily was in the basement switching clothes from the washer to the dryer and laughing to herself, still in disbelief that she was in a place that actually felt like a home for the first time in her life, washing Derek's clothes along with hers, just a little over five weeks after she'd felt like she was so far down an abyss that she'd never see the light again.<p>

Derek came down the stairs. "I heard you laughing. What's so funny?"

Emily closed the door to the dryer and pressed start before turning around and smiling. "Domestic bliss, with you. It's not really funny. It's so crazy and unbelievable and amazing and sometimes all I can do is laugh because I don't know what to do with all of the feelings."

Derek smiled and stepped towards her, pushing her against the dryer and kissing her. "I know," he said quietly. And then he kissed her again and didn't stop and he ran his hands under her shirt and Emily started breathing more heavily.

When his lips found their way to her neck, she gasped with a smile on her face, "You want to do this here?"

"Yep," he said, "I want to show you that there are no cracks in the foundation of this basement." And he grinned at her and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

Emily laughed and moved her head to look around him. "Actually there are quite a few."

His eyes opened wide and he looked at her, "But cracks can't be fixed, only covered up."

Emily put both hands on his face and pulled him in for another kiss before responding, "I love you. I was so wrong about that. They most certainly can be fixed."

* * *

><p><em>Author's note: Thanks everyone! It was a fun, fast ride that I loved! :)<em>

_I didn't intend to end this one yet, but something's come up in my personal life that's going to take a lot of my time and I didn't want to leave it dangling. I'll probably revisit this story line again when I have time! _


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